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It feels every 2020 bride-to-be out there is reaching out with a virtual hug to every other 2020 bride-to-be. A mutual understanding between us almost.
Before I get into all this, I should start this blog with a bit of a disclaimer….
There is barely a person out there who isn’t affected by Covid-19 at the moment, we’re all feeling it but in different ways. With a bit of perspective, we all know that a wedding isn’t life or death, and in the scheme of the situation there are worse things happening right now. Ultimately if your family and friends are healthy, then postponing a wedding isn’t the worst thing in the world. HOWEVER that doesn’t mean it isn’t a really f*****g big deal to those of us faced with this.
So, with that out the way, I thought I would share the feelings experienced by (pretty much all) 2020 brides and grooms. I believe I’m well placed to discuss this as I’m seeing and feeling this from all angles. Firstly, through my couples, if you’ve read my previous post and been following my Instagram then you’ll know I’ve rescheduled a lot of weddings already. Secondly I’m walking in the bridal heels myself, with our own August 2020 wedding currently hanging in the balance.
Postponing weddings for my couples has resulted in a lot of phone calls between them and I about what to do and when (the million dollar questions eh?!), chatting through options, laughing (perhaps in a mildly hysterical sort of way), as well as some crying at times too. It’s safe to say I have felt as though I’m chatting to my friends during this time. I’m not just their wedding planner but also a fellow bride-to-be who is understanding 100% how they feel. I can assure you it’s not fun. Certainly not the feeling you expect to have in the final months running up to your wedding.
An emotional rollercoaster, that we just have to ride out really is the best way to describe it.
Plough on through.
Denial. Stage one is definitely a bit of denial, a plough on through mentality. It will be fine. Everything will have improved by our wedding date. No need to worry yet.
For some 2020 couples, this is the perfect mentality to have. If your wedding is later this summer then I’m remaining hopeful for you and it’s important to continue your plans so that you’re ready to go when the date comes. If you put everything on pause and then your wedding can go ahead on your planned date you may find yourself rushing the final stages, and no one wants that, so keep up the PMA!
For others however, the postponement was inevitable due to the original wedding date but when in the ‘plough on through stage’ we’re definitely not ready to think about that.
I didn’t want to sleep at night anyway
As time ticks on and the dreaded C-bomb is seemingly becoming a bigger and bigger issue each day it’s only natural that the anxiety levels start to increase. The ‘plough on through’ phase is quickly replaced with endless questions, some of which we know can’t be answered even by the best scientists…how long this will go on for? Will it be okay by my wedding date? What if this happens? But what if that happens? Should I consider Plan B dates? What if all my guests can’t make the new date? How long can I wait before I have to make a decision?
This is a pretty overwhelming point.
Even when tackling it logically and focusing on the elements that are within our control, it becomes impossible to stop the constant worry and cycle of ‘what-ifs’. So much so, it starts to wake us up at night.
I’ve had many brides tell me they have spent hours laying in bed wide awake, others have had wedding dreams (or should I say nightmares). I’ve experienced this myself; the falling asleep hasn’t been a problem, but randomly waking up in the early hours wide awake with worry has been.
All the worry combined with the sleepless nights reaches its peak and well and truly causes the floodgates to open. For me this happened last Monday. Half the time I didn’t really know why I was feeling teary or what had set me off, but I couldn’t snap out of it (even when trying to gain some perspective) and I admit, I was having a real pity party. No matter your 2020 wedding date there comes a point when postponing (or worse cancelling) becomes a realistic possibility. Something that you may actually have to do and reaching this point is a real bubble burster.
It’s not just the thought of the date potentially moving, it’s everything that happens in the run up to it as well. Finalising plans, dress alterations, hen party, stag do…all the build up events that you’re not sure whether they will or won’t be possible, and that instantly removes the excitement. Instead you find yourself wailing ‘whhyyy me’ as if you’re the only person experiencing this situation.
The thing that I think is most difficult to comprehend until you’re planning a wedding yourself (and this is meant in no patronising way), is the emotional investment that goes into your wedding. From the moment you set that date everything is focused on it. Every time you see people they will ask you how the plans are going, how long until the big day etc. Reaching the ‘1 year’ mark is a big deal, it feels like the countdown is really on, and once you’ve done your menu tasting, hair and make-up trials etc it all feels like your wedding is finally within touching distance. To friends and family it’s exciting, but to the two if you it is everything.
Having something threaten that is nothing other than s**t.
Once the meltdown is out of the way and you’ve had a good nights sleep (too emotionally drained for even the worry to keep you awake) you reach a much better place. Accepting it is what it is and it’s totally out of our control.
We haven’t yet postponed our wedding, and I am very hopeful that we won’t have to, but my couples that have done so tell me they have felt SO much better once the decision has been made. As if the weight has been lifted and they can start to feel excited again with their new date in mind.
For me, I’m crossing everything possible that we’ll be able to proceed with our original August 2020 wedding but we have taken steps to get a Plan B date secured just in case. This backup may have to change over the coming weeks, but just taking back that bit of control has made things feel so much better.
My mum sent me a meme that has now become my focus, it said ‘When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what is happening. That’s where the power is’.
It’s at this point that you can finally appreciate the perspective again. I know, and my couples know, that we’ll still all get the weddings we planned even if it ends up being on a different date, we’re still getting married and most importantly our friends and families will be there safe and well. I’m sure this bumpy ride to the aisle will make us all appreciate it that little bit more when the day does come around…whether that’s as planned, or at a later date.
Moving your wedding date is c**p, but once you move past that it is easy to remember how lucky we are to be in the position that we are getting married in the first place. We have found the person we want to spend our life with, and one way or another we get to celebrate it with everyone we love…how amazing is that?!
I feel I should end this post with another disclaimer….
Yes, it’s only a wedding. I am fully aware how dramatic this all sounds when people are quite literally dying because of this horrible virus. That is the ultimate tragedy. But ask any bride or groom to be, and I’m sure they’ll tell you they’ve felt the same. I guess we all have a little bit of bridezilla in us somewhere and this situation is really trying to bring her out.